


Strength

by heartsdesire456



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e13 Morning Star, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:59:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7864804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jace disappeared with Valentine, Alec and Isabelle are put under house-arrest by their parents so that they don't run off and screw things up worse than they already are. On top of that, they took their phones, so Alec hasn't spoken to Magnus since Jocelyn woke up, and it drives him insane, because what he feels for Magnus feels <i>so big</i> and he knows, deep down, that Magnus feels the same.</p><p>How do you handle knowing that <i>Magnus Bane</i>’s heart is in your hands?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength

**Author's Note:**

> So this initially just started as a fic in which Alec examines his feelings for Magnus, but I really wanted it to end with him taking control of his life again, because Alec is a strong leader and I couldn't end it without giving him a shot at going after his spot as head of the Institute again.
> 
> Because of that, it's a bit longer than I intended, lol.

Alec wasn’t the only one clearly exhausted. After Jocelyn was examined and deemed to be healthy, Alec had left to see what could be done about going after Jace, but at the present, nothing could be done. Everybody was on standby until the Clave worked out what was going on. After explaining what all Jocelyn had missed – and leaving out the Jace being her son part, for now, since they didn’t want to upset her too much while she was still recovering – all there really was to do was to try and get some sleep. 

However, when Alec came to the kitchen for a late night snack, he found Jocelyn, Luke, Simon, Clary, and Isabelle already there. “Can nobody sleep?” he asked as he headed to the table to sit down across from Izzy and Clary. 

Clary shook her head, her arm through her mom’s as she leaned on her shoulder. “I woke up and my mom wasn’t in her room and I freaked out. Isabelle brought me in here when I woke her up and, sure enough, Mom and Luke were here with Simon.

Simon smiled sadly. “We were talking about the whole ‘I got murdered’ thing.”

Jocelyn shook her head. “I swear, Simon, I never wanted any of this to ever involve you. Not Clary either, but definitely not you,” she said for what Alec figured was probably the thousandth time.

Simon shrugged. “It is what it is. I’m just worried about how I’m going to feed now that Raphael has a kill order on me.”

“Don’t worry,” Alec said. “We’ll get you blood.”

Everybody looked at him in surprise and he looked at Simon, who blinked. “But… you hate me?” he said, clearly confused.

“So?” Alec said simply. “I was supposed to be watching you when you got taken by Camille. I’m responsible for you by extension. And it’s just blood. I’m not like offering you my wrist to feed from.” In the silence after that statement settled, he and Simon both made horrified faces.

“Dude, no. I do not want any part of you in my mouth,” he said, then slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shit, I don’t mean that cause you’re gay, I just mean you’re you and I’m me, I would say the same if you weren’t gay, I swear! Hey, I slept with a dude just the other day, so I’m not judging!” he babbled, only to flush – as much as a vampire could – when he realized what he just said. “Fuck.”

“Language,” Jocelyn said and he giggled awkwardly.

“Sorry?”

Luke snorted. “Oh he’s still Simon alright,” he said to Jocelyn, who smiled sadly, reaching out past Clary to stroke Simon’s curls.

“I’m still so sorry, Simon.” She looked at Alec. “Thank you. For letting us stay and for looking after Simon.”

Alec ducked his head. “It’s not my call. With Lydia hurt and after all the crap I’ve done lately, it’s my mother’s Institute again.”

“I know Shadowhunters,” Jocelyn said firmly. “And you are the leader here. Not Maryse Lightwood, that b- hmmmmmm.” She turned her head, grimacing. “I shouldn’t talk about your mother that way. I’m sorry.”

Isabelle snorted. “Oh no, go ahead. After the way she’s treated my brother, I’m right there with you,” she said, looking over at Alec’s bowed head.

Jocelyn looked at Alec. “The gay thing, huh?” she asked with a sympathetic smile. 

Alec looked up and shook his head. “Actually, she is less upset over me being gay than the way I came out.” They hadn’t bothered telling her about all of that stuff. He blushed a bit. “I… she was trying to fix me up a marriage. And Lydia, the one that Hodge hurt, she’s a great person and she wants to head an Institute, so I proposed to her, because if I have to marry a girl I wanted to at least marry someone I liked as a person.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Only there was already a guy, and I had just met him so I wasn’t going to throw away my life for him, but I just-“ He chuckled tiredly. “He told me I was making a mistake and I was going to be lonely my whole life and take Lydia down with me, and then he sort of…” He trailed off, and Simon jumped in.

“Oh my God Magnus burst into the room right when Alec and Lydia were about to say the Shadowhunter version of ‘I Do’ and Alec’s mom was all-“ Simon approximated Maryse’s expression. “‘What’s that warlock doing here? Leave!’ and Magnus was all, ‘I’ll leave if Alec wants me to leave’ and then!” Simon made a dramatic motion with his arms that Alec did not understand. “He just took off down the aisle and I thought he was going to punch Magnus but he kissed the crap out of him! Right there! In the middle of his own political wedding and in front of everybody and the Clave and holy crap it was so romantic!” He finished with a giant smile and Alec rolled his eyes.

Jocelyn turned to Alec with a surprised look. “Wait, _Magnus_?” she asked and he nodded solemnly. “Oh honey, no wonder the guy thing wasn’t her biggest problem.”

Alec looked down at the table and picked at the surface. “Yeah. So that happened.” He rubbed at his dry eyes, so sleepy but unable to get any rest. “All my plans for being the head of this Institute are shot for sure, now. Even besides the ‘kissed the High Warlock of Brooklyn in front of the whole Clave' thing, I’m lucky nobody’s calling for my Marks since my Parabatai ran off with Valentine. They won’t believe that he was taken.” He grimaced. “From Camille’s apartment. Because we got her out of prison. God, it sounds so bad,” he groaned and Isabelle reached out to rub his forearm comfortingly. “Maybe you should’ve stayed asleep a while longer so you didn’t have to witness any of this horrible stuff,” he joked wryly, making her smile.

“Don’t worry, Alec. If the Clave forgave your mother and father for their crimes, they’ll forgive a young man who was kidnapped and you for nothing more than failing to stop him.” She shook her head. “The Clave is hard, but if they are more lenient on your parents than they are you and your Parabatai, then they’ve lost all sense.”

Simon nodded. “It’s all so Harry Potter. Voldemort’s back and nobody will believe the dude going, ‘hey, morons!’ and then when they finally believe you, it’s too late.”

Alec stared at Simon with a flat expression. “I have no idea what the hell you just said,” he said dryly and Jocelyn and Luke both laughed.

“Alright,” Jocelyn said, putting her hands on the table to stand. “On that note, I’m going to try and go to sleep again.” She touched Luke’s back as she walked behind him and he stood and followed her.

“Don’t worry too much,” he said, catching Jocelyn’s wrist as he started after her.

Clary and Simon both smirked at Luke just naturally deciding to go to bed _with_ Jocelyn and Simon whistled. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, you crazy kids,” he said and Luke glared at him over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner with a laughing Jocelyn.

The remaining four sat quietly for a while before Isabelle came around the table and sat beside Alec, laying her head on his shoulder as she threated her hand through the crook of his elbow to hug his arm. “Are you okay, _Hermano_?” she asked softly and he nodded, turning to kiss her hair.

“I’m just crazy stressed out. I hate every second Jace is with that asshole, I hate that Mom won’t even look at me, I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and Magnus, Dad keeps taking any chance we’re in the same room to ask me about my sexuality like he’s never heard of gay people before and I just-“ He stopped, ducking his head. “I’m so _tired_.”

Isabelle rubbed her cheek against his shirt. “Dad’s at least trying,” she said softly. “We’ll get our brother back, if I have to hunt Valentine down and put a boot up his ass myself.” Alec smiled and snickered at that. She shook her head. “As for Magnus, I say forget about him.” Alec opened his mouth in confusion, but before he could speak she continued. “I can’t _believe_ that dick move he pulled with Camille.”

Clary frowned. “What happened with Camille?”

Isabelle turned an exaggerated glower on her. “He was _kissing her_ when we got there when he was drawing up the papers for Simon to sign.”

Simon and Clary’s eyes bugged out in tandem. “What?!” Simon squeaked.

“That dick!” Clary gasped. “How could he _kiss her_ -“

Alec finally jumped in. “I wasn’t talking about that,” he said firmly. “I don’t care about that.”

Isabelle raised an eyebrow, sitting up straight. “You don’t care the man you risked your future for was _kissing an ex_ hours after you kissed him in front of the whole Clave?” she asked flatly.

Alec scrunched his face. “No?” he asked in confusion. “She was kissing him just because she knew I was coming, how could I blame him for what she did?”

Clary rolled her eyes. “Yeah, suuuuure she did. I know you like him,” she stressed, “But that’s a crappy excuse.”

Alec sat up taller. “You didn’t see them, for one thing, and Isabelle, you don’t know him as well as I do,” he said firmly. “He was scared of her. He’s scared of Camille and I wanted to put an arrow in that bitch for whatever she’s ever done to him to make him scared of her,” he said seriously. “Magnus doesn’t want Camille, he clearly wanted her to go away more than anything.”

Isabelle scoffed. “Alec, you don’t know men like I do-“

“No, Isabelle, you don’t know Magnus like I do,” he said sternly, using her full name to make himself clear. “His face the entire time we were around her killed me. Magnus is never reserved and withdrawn and around her he was practically _meek_. I don’t know what she did in the past to make him fear her, but I really have no worries about Magnus wanting her instead of me.”

Clary looked between them and hummed. “Are you sure, Alec?”

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “I think I know him better than you three, so yes, I’m sure.”

Isabelle held up her hands, pulling away from him. “Hey, whatever. You have spent more time with him than us,” she said, clearly giving in. She leaned an elbow on the table, looking up at him. “But if Camille isn’t the reason you don’t know what’s going on with you two, what _is_ the problem?”

Alec shrugged. “It’s kinda personal, Iz.”

“And?” she asked. She blinked. “Wait, did you guys do it?!”

“What?!” Alec spluttered. “No!”

Izzy smirked. “You totally did-“

“Tell me, when would I have had a chance to have sex with him when the wedding was my first kiss- oh fuck,” he said, slapping a hand over his eyes just before Clary and Simon both had time to gasp in unison.

Simon whistled again. “Shit, bro, I know Jace said you were a virgin-“

Alec’s hand fell and he gaped. “He _what_ -“

“But damn. You’re what, twenty?”

Alec sighed. “Twenty-one,” he grumbled and Isabelle just patted his back.

“Almost twenty-two,” she clarified and he rolled his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said flatly. He looked at her and sighed. “I don’t know, Iz. It’s just that it’s so…” He held his hands out helplessly. “It’s so _much_ ,” he groaned, dropping his head. “He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He’s immortal. He’s _him_ and it feels so _big_ ,” he stressed, laying his head on the table, looking up at her. “He’s my first kiss but it feels so much bigger than the first guy you kiss should feel. He _interrupted a wedding_ to stop me from marrying someone else. He keeps talking about…” He wiggled his nose uncomfortably. “He’s immortal and he’s in so deep and I feel like I could be too if we do this.” He whined, turning his face downwards, forehead pressed to the tabletop. “If we don’t do this, it’s going to hurt him so much. He’s- he’s in deep and that freaks me out.” He whimpered. “How do you handle knowing that _Magnus Bane_ ’s heart is in your hands, Izzy?”

There was silence and he lifted his head only to see her shrug at him. “Sorry, Alec, but the first boy I kissed I put a worm in his shirt ten minutes later.”

Clary looked at Simon. “Me and Simon were each other’s first kiss just so nobody would make fun of us for having never kissed anybody, and I’m pretty sure we’re not going to have some grand love affair,” she said simply.

Simon ducked his head. “I mean, I kind of had a crush on you for a while, but that is old news,” he admitted and she gaped.

“I had no idea-“

“Can we focus, please?” Isabelle asked, patting Alec’s back. She looked at him. “Alec, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. His immortality probably won’t ever matter. Just date him and have a good time-“

Alec shook his head. “It’s too big. It’s not like that. I can’t just- just date him.” He groaned. “I want him. I feel…” He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands. “I feel so much. Stuff I don’t understand. But I want to be with him. Only what if it’s really-“ He whined, putting his face in his hands. “By the Angel, what if I love him? What if this is actually love, Izzy? What if the first man I kissed ends up being _love_ and he’s immortal and I don’t- I’m just-“ He growled. “God and now I’m talking about my feelings with the little girl and the vampire, shit. I’m not cut out for this,” he said in a panicked tone, looking at Isabelle. “I am not prepared for this. You’re supposed to be with several people before you fall in love with somebody, and this feels _so big_ ,” he complained.

Clary cleared her throat. “Actually,” she spoke up, and Alec looked at her in annoyance. She smiled awkwardly. “So, Luke was talking about Shadowhunters and stuff and gave me this book, and one of the things in it was talking about how, traditionally, Shadowhunters don’t really date around, they just wait until they find the person they might want forever and then date them.” She shrugged. “Just, you know, tossing that out there. In case it helps.”

Isabelle glared. “Clary! Don’t scare him! Maybe Magnus isn’t that big of a thing! They could totally just date,” she stressed, wiggling her eyebrows threateningly. “Besides, Alec,” she said, turning back to him. “You only just got together.”

“I don’t even know if we’re _dating_ ,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. “We had an uncomfortable discussion about Camille and he agreed to back off and let us go slow. I think he doesn’t want to scare me off.”

Isabelle patted his arm. “Good, then. You can just take it easy, then. Just talk to him over the phone and stuff. Get to know him. Who knows, maybe you’re just feeling a normal crush and you just don’t know what that’s like,” she added supportively. “When the initial sparkle wears off, you might end up not even liking who he is.”

Alec smiled sadly. “Yeah, maybe.”

~

The next day, his mother forbid him and Isabelle from doing anything that might embarrass them further – including leaving – so he trained with Clary for a while, since she still needed to learn so much, up until Luke and her mother came into the training room and asked to join them. Luke, who had grown used to werewolf tactics, followed along, making Jocelyn be his partner for Alec to train them.

“This feels so weird,” Alec admitted, fixing Jocelyn’s stance. “You were a Shadowhunter when my parents were young and I’m training you. It feels backwards.”

Jocelyn smiled sadly. “When I left with Luke, all I took was a stele and a single seraph blade. I never touched either until I had to. I’m waaaay out of shape,” she said, following his instructions.

“Well, Alec’s the man to ask,” Clary said brightly from across the room. “He’s the best, even if he’s a grumpy teacher.”

Luke snorted. “If I had Maryse Lightwood on my ass all the time, I would be, too,” he mumbled and Jocelyn turned and glared at him. He cringed. “Sorry.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m so done with my parents, so go ahead.” He turned around and walked over to grab a staff for each Luke and Jocelyn. “I was raised knowing all about the Uprising and all about the Circle and Hodge’s punishment and not once did my parents tell me that they were in the Circle,” he explained. “I didn’t even know that _this_ was their punishment, being banished to run an Institute. All I ever wanted was to run this Institute, and they didn’t ever bother telling me this was their punishment,” he said plainly.

Jocelyn sighed. “They got leniency because your mother was pregnant with you,” she explained. “I doubt they wanted you and your siblings to think badly of them by telling you the truth.”

Alec shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t care anymore. I was angry because my parents have put all the pressure of tarnishing the Lightwood name on me and Izzy and Jace, but it’s sort of relieving to realize that they did that and I was right to be angry at them treating my sister like crap because she’s got a Seelie boyfriend.” He set them up facing each other. “It’s nice to not feel so stressed out anymore.” He gestured for them to raise their hands. “I’m an outcast now just like Isabelle, so screw it! I don’t have to be the perfect Lightwood, I’m free to go be the Downworlder-kissing scum I am,” he joked. “Alright, pay attention to the placement of your feet.”

Clary came over to watch her mom and Luke spar with staffs and bumped shoulders with Alec – well her shoulder, his elbow – and smirked. “Don’t worry, Mom’s super into Downworlder-kissing.”

Alec watched both Luke and Jocelyn smile at Clary’s joke while looking at each other, and it was kind of heartwarming. Alec found it hard to imagine what kind of person could see the way Luke and Jocelyn looked at each other and think it was something terrible.

~

Alec lasted another two days of house-arrest without any tasks or work to do before he decided to wait until nearly midnight, when everybody doing night patrols were gone and everybody working day patrols were asleep, and snuck out. 

Sneaking out wasn’t easy, but he knew the Institute better than anybody. He went through the sanctuary and out of a side entrance that was almost never used. He knew the minute he left that a flag would go up in the security system that the door had been opened, but by the time they figured out what had happened and who was gone, he would be long gone.

Like his mother loved to say, he was a Lightwood, and they break noses and face the consequences. In his case, he was breaking his house arrest and would face whatever shit his mother threw at him. He couldn’t stand being locked up without any updates on Jace and Valentine. He and Isabelle both were barred from knowing anything. She had even taken his phone after Isabelle got caught calling Meliorn on her phone.

So, he was going to see Magnus.

~

Alec was very nervous all the way up to Magnus’s apartment, but when Magnus opened the door, he looked shocked but relieved to see Alec. “Alexander.” He floundered for a moment and then looked past him. “Did nobody come with you?” he asked, and Alec felt a little less nervous when he saw how that made a hopeful light come into Magnus’s eyes.

“It’s just me,” Alec said, and Magnus smiled and stepped back, gesturing Alec in. 

“So,” Magnus said as he led the way to the living room. “I worried you were avoiding me, not that I blame you,” he said humbly. It was strange to see Magnus being cautious. “After the whole Camille thing, I probably wouldn’t want to speak with me either,” Magnus said as he walked over and fixed himself a drink. “Would you like something?” he offered, and Alec shook his head.

“No, thank you,” he said, and he waited until Magnus came to join him. He noticed that Magnus left the entire middle portion of the couch empty between them. 

“So,” Magnus said, stirring his drink absently. “Did you need something? Or is this just…” He shrugged. “A social call, I guess.”

Alec shook his head. “I’m definitely not here in a professional capacity.” He blushed, looking down at his hands. “I actually wanted to apologize for going almost a week without talking to you. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

Magnus looked surprised. “Really?” He smiled doubtfully. “Alec, I don’t blame you for freaking out. I was so assertive with you about my feelings and then the very next day you walk in on me kissing my ex, I can’t expect you to just roll with it no matter what I said to you afterwards-“

“Magnus, I don’t care about Camille,” Alec interrupted, looking at him. “Everybody said the same thing, the ‘how dare he’ stuff about you and Camille kissing, but I’m not stupid,” he said plainly. “I know you well enough to have seen how scared of her you were.” He gentled his voice some when Magnus’s eyes widened. “I don’t know what she did to make you so afraid of her, but when we walked in and you two were kissing, you were not the same guy I have come to know,” he urged. “You looked so uncomfortable and instead of larger than life you were small, and I would never think for a second that you kissed her going by what I walked in on.”

Magnus just stared at him for a moment, opening his mouth a few times but never speaking, before he finally put his glass down on the coffee table. “You… believe me?” he asked, seeming very confused. “Why? Hell, I wouldn’t believe me!”

Alec rolled his eyes. “You’ve never been anything but honest with me, Magnus. And like I said, I was angry, but not at you, I was angry at her for kissing you without your permission,” he said, then hesitated, frowning. “Although… I kinda did the same thing. Crap.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry about that.”

When he looked up apologetically, he got to see a big, beautiful smile spreading over Magnus’s face, making him positively light up. “Alexander, you continue to astound me,” he said almost breathlessly. He chuckled, shaking his head. “Trust me, you kissing me was more than okay.” He blushed slightly, rolling his eyes. “God, I still get the biggest rush thinking about how you did that in front of everybody like that.” He looked at Alec for a moment and sobered up slowly as he seemed to remember something. “If it wasn’t Camille, why have you avoided me until now? I mean, I understand if it’s the immortality,” he said suddenly. “But I thought we would talk about that. I know you haven’t been busy because Jocelyn mentioned you’ve been training her-“

Alec chuckled dryly. “Did she also mention that Izzy and I are under house arrest with our phones confiscated?”

Magnus blinked. “No, that she did not,” he said, then tilted his head. “Huh, that… makes me feel very relieved and sort of silly for being so mopey over you not calling me now,” he admitted with a little shrug. He frowned suddenly, almost comically, in that exaggerated way that Magnus seemed to do everything (that Alec totally adored). “Wait… _are_?” he asked, and Alec grinned deviously.

“I may or may not have snuck out. Not even Izzy knows where I went, that way she can’t get in trouble, too,” he admitted with a shrug. “I’m a grown man, my mother cannot ground me like a child when she’s just being petty. She isn’t worried I’ll go after Jace and Valentine alone and get hurt, she’s trying to keep me from seeing you,” he said bluntly, and he knew damn well that he was right. “She is trying to keep me from bringing more shame on my family and she’s bringing Izzy down with me.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the couch. “My, my, my, Alexander Lightwood, you little jailbreak!” he teased, smiling flirtatiously. “And to come see little ol’ me.”

Alec slumped down some, nerves coming back in. “I just…” He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “Camille wasn’t the problem, and your immortality is still a problem, but it’s less of one than my main issue,” he said, and Magnus slid closer, facing Alec fully as he pulled one leg up onto the couch to look at him head on.

“Of course,” Magnus said seriously, his joking manner gone. “I want to talk about whatever it is that you and I need to settle, Alec.” He gave him an understanding nod. “I care about you, and I want to be honest with you.” He smiled sadly. “Even if it’s hard truths.”

Alec nodded. “My main problem that keeps bugging me is that it’s all so _much_ ,” he stressed. He laughed a little bit hysterically. “That was my first kiss, Magnus, and what I feel and what it seems like you feel is something really, really big, which is not what you usually experience with the first person you ever kissed.”

Magnus smiled suddenly. “Awwww, that was a really nice kiss for your first kiss. You didn’t even slobber on me,” he said and Alec gave him a stern look, making him sober up. “Sorry, Alexander. Continue,” he prompted.

“It’s just a lot of pressure, Magnus,” Alec said in a quiet tone, looking at him. “I don’t understand … any of this,” he all but whispered. “I feel so much for you, and it’s overwhelming, because I don’t have any comparison. The only thing I felt for anybody was the crush I had on Jace and it’s startlingly obvious that that was just because he was the only guy I was around that much, and he was a safe crush, and then I go from that being my only point of reference for my entire ability to feel romantic feelings to _you_ ,” he stressed, getting a little carried away. “It’s so much and on top of how _much_ I feel, you’re one of the most powerful Warlocks in the world, and I’m a Shadowhunter, and you’re _immortal_ , and you! I keep thinking about it, and you could have anybody, literally anybody, but you go to such lengths for me, which I can only imagine means you have very serious feelings for me, too, and all I can think about is the pressure to not break your heart, because the last thing I ever want is to hurt you, and I just-“

“Okay, Alec, Alec, Alec,” Magnus interrupted, reaching out to catch his gesturing hands. Alec took a deep breath and sighed it out, letting Magnus hold his hands. “Darling, just breathe,” he urged him. Alec lifted his eyes and saw how intensely Magnus was looking at him. “You’re right, it’s not at all fair to you that I put all of this on you when you haven’t dealt with any of this before,” he said, squeezing Alec’s hands. “That wasn’t my intention at all. I just overreacted when you got engaged to Lydia because I couldn’t stand to watch you do that to yourself or to her. And no, it’s not an excuse. I put too much of myself out there to try and shock you into acting and that was wrong-“

“Magnus, it’s not wrong of you to feel things when I feel the same way,” he argued. “It’s just so overwhelming.” He groaned, ducking his head. “I just wish I had any fucking idea what any of the things I feel are, even. I feel like I’m in love with you, but for all I know this could just be what attraction feels like, and if it is the other thing, why the hell did it happen so fast?”

Magnus stilled beside him and Alec lifted his head, only to pale when he realized what he just said. It was clear Magnus heard it, too, in all of his babbling, because Magnus was barely breathing as he looked at Alec like he was terrified Alec was going to take it back.

That only cemented Alec’s suspicion that Magnus had fallen hard for him and he was in the terrifying position of holding Magnus Bane’s heart in his untrustworthy hands.

“Shit,” Alec sighed, bowing his head again. “Shit, Magnus, I-“

“Please don’t,” Magnus said quietly, almost breathlessly. “Don’t say you’re sorry.” Alec looked up and nodded silently. Magnus swallowed visibly, shaking his head in small, fast shakes. “I can’t tell you what you feel, Alec, only you can work that out,” he continued. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting all of this pressure on you-“

“Magnus, it’s not your fault-“

“But if-“ Magnus hesitated, but pushed on, even though he looked like he was steeling himself for something. “You mentioned my immortality being a big deal, but it could be a help here, because you could- could try seeing other people. If you want, you could go out and meet other guys and just- just try it out for a while. See how it feels to not have it so high-pressure. And- and I could just wait,” Magnus said quickly, looking away from Alec’s eyes. “I’ve got nothing but time, and you were right about how deeply I feel for you.” He took a breath, nodding slowly. “I could wait for you to feel comfortable, for you to learn more and reassess your feelings. And- and then maybe we could try that date we talked about after- after you’re more sure of yourself. If it would make it easier for you to give me a chance after you’ve explored your sexuality, I- I can be okay with that. I can wait. It- it would be worth it, for me, Alexander.”

Alec just stared at Magnus, who was avoiding his gaze and, he was absolutely floored, not just by the suggestion, but by Magnus’s desperate willingness to make Alec believe him. “You would what? Sit around and wait for me to go out and just hook up with other guys to be sure I want you?” he asked incredulously.

Magnus nodded as if he was deathly serious. “I could wait years for you to just give me a chance, Alec. I understand. You’re young and I come on too strong, it would hardly be the first time I just waited for someone while they experiment with other people. I don’t want to lose a shot at having a relationship with you just because you aren’t ready for that, yet. As gorgeous as you are, any man interested in men would jump at the chance to be your experimentation. And it’s normal, it’s normal to be young and want to explore your options. I don’t want bad timing in your life to ruin a chance to be with you, and this is bad timing, I know. It’s entirely normal for you to not want to try and understand feelings you have never gotten to explore with the first guy you ever kiss. Hell, I could introduce you to people so that you’re at least not going home with someone who might hurt you-“

Alec just stared at him incredulously. “Magnus, you think I would not only flaunt the fact I’m sleeping with people in front of you, but that I would make you _vet guys I sleep with_ to make sure I’m _safe_?!” He spluttered slightly, trying to find his words. “Why would anybody do that to someone they know has feelings for them?! Do you think so little of me to think I’d hurt you like that?”

Magnus frowned. “But I’m the one offering-“

“That doesn’t mean me accepting wouldn’t hurt you!” Alec exclaimed. “What-“ He suddenly felt sick, eyes going wide. “Is that what Camille did to you to make you seem so insecure around her?” he asked suddenly. “Did she- did she just- just sleep around and flaunt it in front of you?” Magnus didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look at Alec, so that was answer enough. “Magnus-“

Magnus looked down at the floor. “I fall fast, and I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it,” he said in a tight, defensive tone. “When I met her, she was dating a werewolf, so I told her, I would wait for her to stay with him his lifetime, and I gave her that necklace that Isabelle has now, so that she knew I would find her again. And I did. And the whole time we were together, all I wanted was for her to love me the way I loved her. But she never did. She would disappear for months, sometimes a year, go have her little affairs.” He shrugged. “I just got used to it. To bending over backwards and it doing nothing. And when I finally got sick of it, it was when she returned from screwing her way through Europe while I waited obediently for her at home.” He snorted. “I kissed a Shadowhunter to convince her I’d been cheating on her, too, but she saw through me, because I get so single-minded when I fall for somebody. It’s only happened a few times, thankfully,” he finished quietly.

Alec’s heart ached for Magnus. No wonder Camille made him feel so insecure and small. “And do you think for a minute I would ever be like her?” he asked, and Magnus looked up at him quickly.

“No, of course not, I’m not implying that at all, I am saying I could handle knowing you’re seeing other people if it means I get to be with you some day.” He shook his head. “I know you wouldn’t be with me and then cheat on me like she did, of course not, Alexander-“

“It doesn’t have to be cheating on you to hurt you, Magnus,” Alec countered. “If you care about me enough to wait for ‘a few years’ for me, you care about me enough that seeing me dating other guys would hurt you,” he stressed.

Magnus gave a sad smile and shrugged. “Not as much as you telling me you would rather not ever even try and see what we could become.”

Alec let out breath and it felt like being punched in the ribs. He looked at Magnus – Magnus Bane, the most powerful Warlock in the country, notorious and beautiful and fearless – and all he saw was vulnerability that he would bet his life most people never knew existed. It was overwhelming to know the depths of this man’s heart. “Magnus, I don’t want to be with somebody else,” he croaked, so overcome with feelings. “I’m just scared that I’ll screw it up and hurt you. All I’m afraid of is being the one to break your heart.”

Magnus looked at him with surprised etched into every beautiful line of his face and, as the realization clearly set in, the light came back into Magnus’s eyes. “Oh. I see.” Alec smiled slowly and Magnus bit his lip, blushing a little. “Well. In that case, all I can say is that I fall fast and hard and love deeply, and I’m not saying I’m in love with you, but I’m on my way there, so obviously, I’m not one to talk to about feeling too much too soon, because we met each other at the same time, obviously, and I already missed you after a handful of quick conversations, one night really talking, and one kiss, so… yeah.” He rolled his eyes at his lame finish. “That’s me, then. Full confession.”

Alec opened his mouth to respond, but everything he meant to say was lost forever when, instead, he blurted out, “God, I want to keep you, Magnus Bane.” He slapped a hand over his mouth, but Magnus just grinned, both eyebrows going up in shock.

“Wow, that’s short and simple of a way to put it-“

“Eurrrrgghhh,” Alec groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Magnus laughed, not unkindly, at Alec’s dramatics, and Alec just rolled his eyes and lifted his head. “Oh shut up and kiss me,” he demanded, and Magnus’s hands twitched for a moment unsurely before he did what Alec asked of him.

This time, being the one to be kissed, Alec had a new respect for exactly how warm and wonderful Magnus’s lips felt for how hard the kiss was. It wasn’t aggressive by any means, but Magnus put intent into his kiss and Alec welcomed the feelings it brought forth. His hands came up to cup Magnus’s face and in almost no time, he had slid one hand into Magnus’s hair, moaning softly as he guided the angle to something more comfortable. Magnus tasted like alcohol and sugar, and Alec couldn’t get enough of him. Under his hands, as Alec slid his hands down Magnus’s neck, to his shoulders, and down to his chest, Magnus’s body was solid and warm and Alec couldn’t stop himself from arching closer, desperate to feel the warmth of Magnus’s body against his own. 

Magnus pulled away, eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled a giant, disbelieving, _gorgeous_ smile and even laughed a little. “Alexander,” he said in a soft, warm tone that spoke volumes rather than just one word.

Alec brushed a small kiss to his smiling cheek and up to the corner of his eye. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” he admitted candidly before seeking Magnus’s mouth out again. 

What started as another sweet kiss ended up being something hungrier than before, and Alec barely noticed it when he pushed Magnus against the back of the couch and climbed into his lap. “Alexander?” Magnus asked breathlessly, but Alec just smiled, craning his neck to kiss Magnus.

“Is this not okay?” he asked and Magnus chuckled, voice a bit strangled.

“Oh, Darling, I’m more than okay, but are you sure?” he asked, hands sliding gently over Alec’s thighs. “Nothing has to happen, you know that, right?”

Alec smiled as he leaned in and kissed Magnus sweetly. “Magnus.” A kiss to his eyebrow. “When I go home.” A kiss to his nose. “I’m likely going to be physically shadowed.” A lingering kiss to the corner of his lips. “So I can’t escape again.” A slow, teasing kiss to the point of his chin. Alec pulled back, stroking Magnus’s cheek tenderly. “I don’t want to slow down.”

Magnus smiled _nervously_ , making Alec’s heart beat a bit faster. “Oh? And what happened to going on a date?”

Alec kissed his lips sweetly. “You can always say no, but otherwise, how about you take me to breakfast in the morning?” he suggested.

“Breakfast, but it’s only…” Magnus trailed off, and a smirk blossomed across his features. “Oh, Alexander, you smooth little flirt.” Alec blushed and grinned, but Magnus just slid his hands around Alec’s body, under his shirt. “I’m more than happy to take you to breakfast in the morning,” he purred, slowly sliding his fingers over Alec’s abs, inching his shirt higher. Alec raised his arms and let Magnus take his shirt off – even if he had to take over when Magnus’s reach ran out – and Magnus moaned softly when Alec’s bare chest was right at his face. “Oh hello, Gorgeous,” he sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to Alec’s left pectoral muscle. “The look I got of you topless that one time, pardon my crassness, was the number one thing I thought about when I masturbated for _days_ ,” he groaned.

Alec’s breath caught at the mental image he got of Magnus, naked, touching himself while moaning Alec’s name. “Fuck,” he gasped, only to cry out slightly when Magnus’s lips found his nipple. He curled a hand into the back of Magnus’s hair, the other curled over his shoulder, and Magnus just continued on, hands roving over Alec’s body as he paid special attention to Alec’s chest. “ _Magnus_ ,” he moaned, and he could feel Magnus’s hips jerk underneath him.

“Magnus, can I?” he moaned, tugging at Magnus’s top.

Magnus pulled away, only to grab Alec’s hips, looking up at him. “Do you trust me?” he asked and Alec nodded, not even asking why Magnus asked. Magnus snapped his fingers, and in an instant, they were both _completely naked_.

Alec let out a strangled gasp at the suddenly feeling of _so much skin_ touching his. Magnus’s thighs were beneath his ass and between his legs, Magnus’s arms around him were bare and touching his skin, their chests were brushing, _Magnus’s penis_ was pressed right up against his. Alec instantly shivered, and as desire mounted with no warning, the shiver didn’t pass, it just became trembles that made his entire body quake ever so slightly. “S- Sorry,” he murmured but Magnus just shook his head, looking at him with nothing but pure, unadulterated wonder.

“You’re overwhelmed, I’m sorry,” he said, stroking what Alec assumed were meant to be soothing passes over his stomach and side, but instead it just made Alec even harder between them.

“Please, Magnus, please,” he all but begged, kissing along Magnus’s jaw sloppily. “T-touch me,” he moaned, rubbing himself against Magnus sloppily. “Magnus.”

Magnus moaned, clutching his hips harder. “God, hearing you moan my name like that over and over is so hot.” He nudged Alec back just a bit, smiling at the whimper Alec gave at the loss of contact, and reached between them, catching Alec’s cock in his hand. Alec’s whimper turned into a groan and he arched into the touch. “Yes, Darling, like that,” Magnus instructed, one hand securely around Alec’s hip, the other jerking him off in even, measured strokes.

“Magnus, Magnus, Magnus,” Alec moaned hoarsely, clutching at Magnus’s shoulder and hair at first, before leaning in to kiss him sloppily, hands going to Magnus’s chest as he ducked down. “Mmmm,” he moaned against his mouth and Magnus kissed back expertly.

Eventually Alec got into the rhythm of thrusting into Magnus’s hand, and Magnus stared up at him reverently, one arm around his waist for support, the other curled into a tight circle so that Alec could practically ride him, clinging to Magnus’s chest and shoulders and neck as he bounced on Magnus’s lap. “Fuck, Alexander, look at you,” he moaned, mouth hanging open as every thrust rocked right against his own cock. “God you’re beautiful,” Magnus panted. “Alec, Darling, Alec-“

“Magnus!” Alec gasped out, fucking harder into Magnus’s grip, his own holding onto the back of the couch behind Magnus so hard the fabric made straining sounds. Magnus looked up into his face, up into his eyes that fluttered open just as he tensed and came, whining wordlessly before crying out, “Magnus, yes!” as he shuddered apart in Magnus’s lap. 

He slumped over, head pressed against Magnus’s, still shaking like a leaf. He continued to slowly rock against Magnus, only to reach between them, with big, strong, unskilled hands, and grab Magnus’s erection. “Oh Alexander, what-“

“Wanna see you come,” Alec panted, grinning against Magnus’s cheek as he relaxed over him. When Alec asked, “Can I make you come?”, Magnus was more than happy to oblige.

When Magnus finished, it was to a cry of Alec’s name, and as he caught his breath, head hanging over the back of the couch, Alec curled into his chest, kissing and nibbling at his throat. When he did lift his head, forcing Alec to pull back, he leaned up to kiss Alec sweetly and tenderly, hands stroking his skin in long, soothing strokes. When the kiss broke, he opened his eyes to the beautiful sight of Alec smiling down at him, only to have Alec’s smile turn into a reverent gape. It took a moment of confusion before he realized, as Alec was looking into his eyes in surprise, his glamor must’ve fallen away. “Fuck, I’m sorry!” Magnus said quickly, closing his eyes and fixing his glamor. He knew how badly his eyes freaked out a lot of lovers, and he groaned. “I’m so sorry, Darling, shit, talk about ruining a perfect first time-“

“Magnus,” Alec said in confusion, touching his cheek just below his re-glamored eyes. “Why did you hide them again?” he asked, and Magnus hesitated, unsure what Alec meant. Alec touched his eyelid gently when Magnus closed his eyes, and Magnus felt him exhale in a sigh. “I never bothered to look up your mark. Stupid, stupid me,” he said softly. “They’re so beautiful.”

Magnus opened his eyes again, confused, and Alec tilted his head. “Are you uncomfortable without glamoring them? I mean, does the light hurt or something?” he asked simply, as if that was all that he could even think of.

“They’re my Demon mark,” Magnus said blankly, and Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Magnus, I am aware what your marks are called. I’ve only been studying Downworlders, including Warlocks, since childhood.”

Magnus’s heart skipped a beat, and he curled his arms around Alec, hugging him close until Alec’s body was clutched to his and he had to look straight up into Alec’s eyes. “You’re a Shadowhunter. You don’t find them repulsive?” he asked.

Alec looked startled by the very idea. “What? Magnus, no,” he said, and Magnus closed his eyes and opened them again to test it, showing him his unglamored eyes. Alec smiled simply, nodding. “Beautiful.”

Magnus would blame it on such an emotional evening if anybody ever asked, but for some reason, after all they had talked through, after mindblowing orgasms, and after feeling so loved by Alec Lightwood, Magnus couldn’t help the tears that burned his eyes as he gazed up at Alec with his cat-eyes. “How are you real, Alec?” he asked breathlessly. “You- you’re just so… wonderful.”

Alec rolled his eyes and kissed his lips sweetly. “Cut it out, with eyes that beautiful, you have to get compliments. They’re perfect for you. Your entire demeanor screams ‘feline grace’ and your eyes are this most complimentary color for your face.”

Magnus shook his head quickly. “Nobody has ever called my eyes beautiful,” he admitted, and Alec stilled.

Alec gazed down at Magnus, so beautiful and perfect and _Magnus_ , and he felt a surge of anger mixed in with his wonder at his own luck. “I hate everyone who has ever seen your eyes before now,” he said seriously. “They’re beautiful.” He kissed his forehead. “You’re beautiful.” He kissed the side of his neck. “Everything about you is beautiful.” He tried to kiss his chest but couldn’t quite bend that far, making Magnus laugh. “Grrr.”

Magnus grinned, tugging him upright. “Bed?” he offered, and Alec nodded, expecting to be pushed to his feet, only to squeak embarrassingly as Magnus stood up, holding him close. Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus’s waist, blushing some because, though nobody could see them, he knew how funny they must look with his large, lanky frame being carried by Magnus’s smaller, more compact one.

When they tumbled into bed, Alec rolled over to look down at Magnus and then leaned in, kissing his chest to complete his task. “Your heart is beautiful,” he finished softly.

Magnus wanted so terribly to say, ‘because it’s yours’, but he knew that that would be super lame and might even make Alec uncomfortable, so he simply smiled and hugged him close.

~

Alec was not used to being kissed awake, but when he figured out what the hell was tickling his neck and actually woke up, he smiled and rolled his eyes at the smug look in Magnus’s eyes. “Good morning, Alexander,” he greeted, kissing his lips this time, only to squeak when Alec sleepily gathered Magnus into his arms and tugged him into his body snugly. 

Alec smirked, nuzzling his hair. “Morning,” he grumbled.

Magnus grinned, pulling back to look into Alec’s eyes. Alec saw the glamor was still gone from Magnus’s beautiful cat eyes and he bumped their foreheads together affectionately. Magnus slid a hand up Alec’s back slowly. “Are you okay?” he asked almost nervously and Alec frowned slightly, pulling back to look at Magnus.

“Yes,” he said suspiciously. “Why? Are you okay?” he countered.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I’m fabulous, but I’m not the one who is naked in bed with someone for the first time,” he reminded him.

Alec gave him a crooked smile. “Of course I’m okay.” He shook his head, propping up on an elbow. “Sex was never something I was worried about, Magnus.”

Magnus nodded. “Okay, but even then.” His eyes grew slightly concerned. “We didn’t actually settle any of your fears last night, Darling. We talked about a lot, but you didn’t really get any of your fears solved.”

Alec thought about it, and while that was true, he found it hard to care. Yes, Magnus was still the first guy he’d kissed and he felt so much for him, and yes, Magnus was still immortal and his heart was in Alec’s hands, but he found it harder to be scared of all those big things where he sat now, in bed with Magnus, the morning after he lost his virginity to him. Alec blushed and turned his face into the pillow as a bright smile spread over his face at that thought.

Magnus made a curious sound. “Now what is this?” he asked, reaching out to nudge Alec to turn and look at him rather than grin into the pillow. Magnus smiled as he looked over Alec’s happy face. “What are you thinking, Alexander?”

Alec rolled his eyes and chuckled bashfully. “About the fact I’m not a virgin anymore,” he admitted and Magnus’s face morphed into a flirtatious smirk.

“Nope, sure aren’t,” Magnus purred, leaning in to kiss him softly. “I most definitely remember your come on my chest,” he said in a lower, sultry voice that made Alec’s pulse pick up. 

Alec moaned into the next kiss, shifting until their hips were together as well, legs tangled. After a while, Alec could barely keep from rubbing himself against Magnus. He wasn’t sure how to articulate that he wanted to go further, and Magnus, though he was into the kissing becoming more sensual and hands straying more places, seemed content to just kiss and touch in spite of them both being very obviously aroused. He pulled away from the kisses to try and speak, but Magnus just shifted his lips down Alec’s jaw, making him gasp at every brush of Magnus’s lips to his sensitive skin. He whimpered. “Magnus- I- can we- um-“

“What, too much?” Magnus asked, pulling away quickly. “It’s fine, we can stop-“

“No!” Alec said a bit too eagerly, and then blushed. “I um. Kind of the opposite of that.”

Magnus frowned in confusion. “Huh?”

Alec blushed and put his hand over his face. “Never mind. I’m just gonna go die of shame.” Magnus nudged him and Alec looked to see an expectant look on his face, so he sucked it up and spoke, cheeks flaming. “I- I want the opposite of stopping. It’s not too- too much. I sort of want to, um.” He groaned. “God, okay, how do you express to the other guy that you really want to touch his dick?” he asked bluntly, avoiding Magnus’s gaze.

Magnus didn’t laugh at him, though he was clearly fighting it, but he did smile with amusement in every inch of his face. “Don’t be embarrassed, Darling, it’s entirely fine that you don’t know these things.” He slid his hand to the outside of Alec’s thigh. “Well, while most people don’t just flat out ask, ‘may I touch your dick’, it is always good to verbally ask, ‘is this okay?’ when you do, so that you don’t accidentally read things wrong and touch someone when they don’t really want it.” He slid his hand up Alec’s side, fingertips dancing along his side. “Usually, you do this,” he said, tapping his fingers against Alec’s skin. “Slowly touching someone until your hands are almost where you want them.” He held Alec’s gaze as he moved his hand to the front of Alec’s body and slowly expanded his exploration down to Alec’s lower belly, right above his pubic hair. “You would definitely think I wanted to touch you if I’m touching you here, right?” he asked, and Alec swallowed hard, but nodded.

“I- yep, definitely getting that idea,” he said, and Magnus smirked. 

“Then try,” he encouraged, and Alec licked his lips as his hand slid slowly from Magnus’s hip, across his belly. Magnus sucked in a breath when Alec’s thumb brushed the bend of his leg, just beside the base of his dick. He saw Alec’s eyes flick up to his and he couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him again. Alec moaned in surprise but kissed back, and Magnus pushed him over onto his back, settling over him. “Okay,” he said between kisses. “Lesson over.” He kissed him again. “We’ll- mmmm- we can practice more later.” Magnus rocked his hips down against Alec’s, making them both moan. “But for now, just know that I really want you and, unless you want to stop, I think I’m gonna suck you off,” he said bluntly, and Alec’s eyes widened. Magnus raised an eyebrow, and Alec just nodded sharply.

“Yep, sure thing, feel free, absolutely alright with me,” he said quickly and Magnus grinned and kissed him again quickly. Magnus began to move down Alec’s body, kissing a pretty clear line to his final destination, and Alec made the most delicious gasps and groans with every wet kiss to his sensitive skin. “Fuuuuck, Magnus,” he moaned, letting his head roll back against the pillow.

When Magnus stroked him a few times, Alec looked down, only to nearly go cross-eyed when he _watched_ Magnus lick his lips in anticipation before instantly sucking Alec down without hesitation. “Ahhh! Magnus!” he cried, body jerking. Magnus held his hips down with both hands until he settled, and then he proceeded to settle in for a (not so) long, straight-forward blowjob.

Alec was pretty sure he didn’t last long enough, but Magnus was _so good_ and it felt _amazing_. When he came, Magnus _swallowed_ , and Alec almost got hard again when he realized what Magnus had done. He lay panting, and grabbed Magnus’s arms, hauling him up his body so that he could kiss him. Magnus was careful to keep his mouth shut, but Alec coaxed him into _really_ kissing him. 

Tasting himself on Magnus’s lips was very weird and a little gross to think about, but it made Magnus moan so he didn’t really care.

“That- I- wow.” Alec smiled a bit goofily and Magnus just grinned, pushing his bangs back affectionately. 

“Good wow, right?” Magnus asked, and Alec nodded, smiling up at him. “Good.”

Alec slid his hands down Magnus’s back, and when his hands curled around the curve of Magnus’s ass, Magnus’s hips jumped some and he could feel how hard Magnus was against his hip. “Hey,” he said against Magnus’s lips. “Can you teach me how to do what you did?” he asked.

Magnus looked down at him in surprise. “You want to blow me?” he asked, and Alec nodded simply, smiling. 

“Yeah.”

Magnus blinked, but smiled slowly. “Alright.”

It was slow going, and more than once Alec had to be reminded to cover his teeth, and the first time Magnus moaned, Alec jumped and jerked away from Magnus, which just made Magnus burst into giggles at Alec’s startled expression, not to mention all the times Alec accidentally choked himself, but in the end, Alec made Magnus come, which he figured meant it was mostly a success.

He didn’t realize Magnus was trying to warn him to pull off, so when he actually did, Magnus came all over his face, which startled the shit out of him, but after Magnus laughed at his shocked expression, he helped him clean up and kissed him in apology, so it was still a pretty good experience altogether. 

Laying with Magnus curled up on his chest was also really nice. Magnus traced shapes on his chest, grinning when he brushed Alec’s nipple and made him shiver, and Alec stroked his hair absently. “You know,” Magnus said, looking up at Alec’s face. “You distracted me again with sex instead of talking about your fears,” he said softly, and Alec could see he wasn’t judging him, he was just opening up the discussion.

Alec looked at the ceiling, thinking about it, and sighed. “I don’t know,” he said uneasily. “I just…” He looked down at Magnus, stroking the skin behind his ear absently. “It’s all so big and scary, but it’s _not_ when it’s just me and you together like this.” He smiled slowly. “It feels so much less overwhelming when you’re right here, in my arms. Being with you is the least stressful I’ve ever felt anything be. I don’t even really think about how serious my feelings are when I’m with you, because it’s easy. You and I can talk for hours and I never get bored, and it feels so easy to be with you without focusing on how deeply I care about you and how scary that is since I’ve never known any other, smaller feelings, really.” He looked at Magnus and enjoyed the warmth in his belly. “Maybe it will be scarier later when I have to think about the greater potentialities, but right now, it’s so simple. I want every moment I can get with you, and nothing else matters outside of right now.”

Magnus smiled warmly. “When you have no expiration date, like us Warlocks, that’s the only way to not go crazy, Darling. Focus on now. I want to be with you now. If I thought about the bigger picture, I might go crazy, too. But I don’t. I never do with almost anything. Now is what matters. This time we’re living in. Everything changes, and what I think will come in two weeks might never happen, or what I thought about tonight may not be what happens tonight.” He smirked. “What I thought would happen last night was a lazy night in, and instead you showed up. I sure never thought I’d wake up this morning in the arms of a naked Nephilim,” he teased.

Alec smiled and tugged Magnus into a hug, holding him tightly. “I’m glad I came to see you instead of continuing to let my fears bother me.” He kissed his forehead. “Although, once I go back, my mother is going to lock my ass in a cell probably. Or send me to Idris.” He looked at Magnus teasingly. “What are your thoughts on a long-distance relationship?”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Maryse Lightwood can kiss my fantastically toned ass. You should be leading the search for Valentine and for Jace, not on house arrest because you kissed a Warlock. You’re a better leader than any Nephilim I’ve ever known and I knew Charlotte Branwell, so that is very seriously saying something about your leadership abilities.” He pecked Alec’s lips. “You should stand up to her. I know she’s your mother and you can’t help how wrong it feels to challenge her, but they won’t find him as fast without you as they would with you coordinating the efforts.” 

Alec hummed. “I should, huh?” he asked, looking into Magnus’s beautiful, golden eyes. “He’s my parabatai. If anybody can find him, it’s me.”

Magnus nodded proudly. “And finding Jace means finding Valentine,” he agreed.

Alec looked at Magnus for a long time before snorting. “Oh my God, you find competency hot!” he realized, and Magnus gasped, laughing.

“Hey! It’s not weird to find powerful, successful men attractive!” he said and Alec just wiggled his eyebrows.

“Suuuure it isn’t,” he teased, and Magnus just rolled his eyes dramatically, scoffing.

“Oh fuck you,” he giggled.

Alec smirked, sliding a hand along his hip. “Okay.”

“Okay what?” Magnus asked with a frown, and when Alec raised an eyebrow, Magnus’s eyes widened and he just whimpered. “Jesus Christ, Lightwood, you do not get to casually offer to let me fuck you-“

Alec started to pull away. “Ah well, if you don’t want to, that’s fine with me-“

“Now you hang on just a minute,” Magnus argued, hauling him back into the bed, which made Alec grin. “You’re going to be the death of me,” Magnus accused with narrowed eyes and Alec just smirked.

“At least that’s a hell of a way to go,” he joked, making Magnus snort unattractively and roll to his side as he laughed.

They never get around to having sex again, but the tickle-fight and subsequent rounds of laughter that followed was almost as wonderful, in Alec’s opinion.

~

When Alec walked into the Institute, part of him expected someone to _immediately_ spot him and get on his ass, but he made it all the way to the command center before he was spotted. Maryse saw him and stood up from where she was talking to Raj at his desk to storm over to him. “Alec where the hell have you been?!” she demanded. “You were not to leave this Institute and you _snuck out_?”

Alec stared at her with a hardened, determined face, hands in his pockets. “You confiscated my cell phone and put me and Isabelle on house arrest.”

“Clearly it didn’t work!” she snapped. “I do not want you and Isabelle going against orders to go after Valentine, so I did what was necessary!”

Robert came down from the upper level. “Maryse, calm down. Alec, you really shouldn’t have done that-“

Alec turned to his father, looking down at him. “I’m a grown man. My mother cannot ground me,” he said simply.

“She’s also the head of the Institute,” Robert reminded him gently. “Your mother is looking out for you, Alec. She knows how much you want Jace to be found safely and knows you will do dangerous things to try and find him through unofficial means.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Mom wants to look good in front of the Clave after I embarrassed her, Dad, it has nothing to do with official means. If you want Valentine found, you’ll let me run this operation, not _ground me_ like a rebellious child,” he said simply. He looked at his mother. “You know perfectly well that I’m better at leading this Institute than you are.”

“Oh?” she asked flatly. “And where were you? Making more deals with vampires?” she demanded.

Alec shook his head once. “No, I went to see my boyfriend, since you taking my phone away means I couldn’t even update him on everything.”

Alec noticed everybody else in the command center stop what they were doing. They all continued looking at their tablets or computers or files, but they stopped moving. He didn’t even care that they were listening in, for once, because he knew damn well they were all sick of Maryse hindering their work with her way of quadruple checking with the Clave before acting on anything just to be sure that the Council was aware that _she_ was doing things.

Maryse, however, flushed with rage. “You were gone all night to see that _Warlock_ -“

“Yes, I was,” he said plainly, his face as blank as ever. “I didn’t want him to keep worrying about not hearing from me, since I haven’t had a chance to speak with him since he woke Jocelyn up. Understandably, he was concerned that I haven’t brought him in on the search for Valentine, since, as you probably remember well from your days at his side, the man wants to destroy all Warlocks.”

He saw his father look away in shame, but Maryse just narrowed her eyes. “Oh, of course, Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of hedonism, absolutely just wants an update on Valentine from you.”

Alec barely kept from smiling as he said what he knew would finally shut her up. “Oh no, we had sex, too,” he said lightly, reveling in the _actual gasp_ he heard from somewhere behind her. The shock on her face was worth the fact his father was staring at the ceiling with a hand over his face. 

Maryse managed to splutter after a moment. “You- that- Alec, don’t talk like that in front of the Institute. There are still Clave representatives wandering around here. We still have a chance to cover your lapse of mental faculties at that wedding and find you a suitable wife.”

Alec scoffed. “I am not marrying a woman. I don’t need you or anybody use to cover up the fact that I do not like women. I am gay, Mom. _Gay_.”

“And? I’m sure you’re not the only one, but you still have to marry a woman,” Maryse said and Alec hardened his features.

“You do realize what the word ‘gay’ means, right? I know we Nephilim like to pretend we don’t, but I think we all know pretty damn well that gay people exist, and I’m one of them-“

Maryse gritted her teeth, lowering her voice. “Alec, stop saying it like that in front of everybody-“ His father made an abortive motion to stop her, but gave up when she glared at him, shaking his head with a small, ‘oh boy’ muttered under his breath.

Alec raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Alright.” He cleared his throat, straightening up. “Mom. Dad.” He glanced at Raj beside his dad. “Raj,” he added just for the hell of it, turning back to face Maryse, looking her dead in the eye. “This morning, I went to breakfast, on a date, with a male Warlock, and an hour before that, I had a lot of fun when I _sucked his cock_ ,” he said in a loud, clear, plain voice that carried through the entire room.

Maryse had nothing to say to that, and Alec wasn’t surprised. “Great talk,” he said brightly. “I’m going to get to work, because I am a better Shadowhunter than you seem to think I am, and I refuse to let my Parabatai die because you would rather look good for the Clave than find your adopted son.” He turned and walked over to Rachel’s computer, leaning over at the desk. “What are we looking at as far as suspicious shipping plans among Mundane ports? We know they’re on water since we can’t track them, so that should be the first thing we started on,” he said, going straight into work-mode.

Rachel looked at Maryse and then at Alec and flushed, clearing her throat as she turned back to her screen. “I- I didn’t think of that. But we can look into the VTS records and check AIS on any suspicious vessels.”

“Good,” he said, straightening up to turn to Raj. “Raj, check into Mundane parole violators that fit the cult-follower profile. If he has the Mortal Cup, his plan is to illegally Ascend as many Mundanes as he can, and the ones who would believe him and volunteer are probably violent offenders who want to join a cult. Once he gets where he’s going, he’ll send those people to scout things out, and on the off chance they haven’t Ascended by the time they get there, they can’t hide from CCTV, and if we know their faces, we can tell the Institutes all over the world who to look out for.”

Alec continued to ignore his mother, who was still standing stock still where he left her, ignoring whatever things his father was saying to her as she did so. “Dad,” he said, and Robert looked at him. “Can you go get Isabelle, Jocelyn, Luke, and Clary? I’m going to need all hands on deck even if Clary’s under-trained, and Jocelyn and Luke can still help even if they aren’t under my command.”

Robert looked oddly proud, which Alec hadn’t expected, as he nodded. “Sure, Alec. No problem.”

Alec looked at his mother, who finally faced him, and he nodded to Raj. “Can you help him, please? He needs more than just one set of eyes, and you’re good at remembering faces, Mom.”

She looked livid, but did what he said. He knew that she didn’t want to let him take control, but he also knew that she was aware of just how many people would side with her if it was between following him and following her. Alec loved his mother, for all the shit she did to him, but her vanity was her biggest obstacle, and he hoped that with time, she would get over what people thought of her and actually _do_ something. His dad was barely any better than her as far as vanity went, but in this instance, he seemed to actually remember how dangerous Valentine was and know that, rather than try and deal with their children not being perfect, they had to fight this war instead.

Alec looked around, and frowned. “Wait, who knows where my phone is? I need to see if I can find somewhere to put that vampire so he doesn’t get hurt by touching things with runes. This Institute isn’t safe and if he gets hurt, it’ll distract us from the work.”

“I’ll go get it for you, Alec,” someone said, and Alec nodded graciously.

“Thanks,” he said, turning back to look up at the main board. “Alright, let’s get going, guys. The faster we catch this psycho, the sooner we can get back to our usual demon hunting and keep people safe.”

Alec felt good being back where he belonged.


End file.
